people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
