I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
