tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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