Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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