At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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