we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
