dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
