Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
