My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
