Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She even gives head with a lisp.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
