is your mom at the bar?
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
