Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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