What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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