she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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