Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
a search helicopter?!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
