I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
