Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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