So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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