when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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