i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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