Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
