Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
