you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
