So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
