You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
