i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
