i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
no you cant smoke seaweed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
