It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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