dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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