Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
