Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
