Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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