hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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