I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
