I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Your cock deserves a montage
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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