My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
