you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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