can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
