i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
