Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
