i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
