I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
