we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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