A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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