NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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