this beer tastes like vomit already
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
