I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I bet he comes in French.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In other news, I just burned my penis
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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