So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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