when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
