Jerry, you need to find god
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
