Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
