That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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