So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
