Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
