I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
