Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
