she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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