some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
