I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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