Are we in a gay sports bar?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
