we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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