Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize