I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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