I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
