Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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