lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
