so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just forgot I was standing up.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
