Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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