hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
