dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
