Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
