Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
