I'm jealous of your bromance
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
